


Perfectly Unperfect

by oopsthisisqueertoo



Series: Asexual Awareness Week 20gayteen [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Asexual awareness week 2018, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, homoromantic Kenma, homosexual Kuroo, placiosexual Kenma, sex positive Kenma, transmale Kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsthisisqueertoo/pseuds/oopsthisisqueertoo
Summary: Kuroo can't figure out for the life of him why Kenma keeps trying to pull away. Kenma's not sure how to explain it either. Like any other millennial, they turn to Google.*Part of Asexual Awareness Week for 2018! Woo!*





	Perfectly Unperfect

**Author's Note:**

> A C E A W A R E N E S S W E E K is finally here!!! (and I'm a wee bit early for first day cause otherwise you wouldn't get it until almost Monday)
> 
> D A Y 1
> 
> Placiosexual- wanting to do sexual things with someone else but being okay if they’re not reciprocated  
> Sex Positive- having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality  
> Homoromantic- romantically attracted to the same sex, but not necessarily sexually

At first Kuroo didn’t think about it much. Kenma was Kenma and a vital part of him was overwhelming shyness.

It had also been their first time engaging in any sort of sexual interaction together past kissing. Not Kuroo’s, of course, but Kenma’s. He thought maybe after Kenma got more accustomed to it, that he’d seem to enjoy it more. Not that he seemed against it. Anytime Kuroo remotely appeared to be in the mood, Kenma liked to hop on his lap and make out. Eventually, it’d end up with Kenma blowing Kuroo. Kuroo wanted to reciprocate. He needed to, so he could let Kenma share that please.

But Kenma always refused after the first couple of times.

Kuroo had tried to take things slow. He’d tried communicating as much as possible. He always asked for permission. Hell, he’d even consulted google after going down on Kenma for fifteen minutes without him even uttering a single moan. He squirmed and looked like he was in pain instead. It hurt Kuroo to see him that way.

Then Kuroo thought that maybe, just maybe, it was because Kenma was trans. That he felt too self-conscious about not having the right genitalia that he couldn’t enjoy sex. That maybe it ruined the mood for him. That he needed to see his cock in Kuroo’s hands or mouth, needed that visual to orgasm with another person.

They’d had a brief discussion about it and Kenma had flatly replied, “I would really like a dick, but a clitoris is just an underdeveloped penis, so I have no problem using my tiny dick.”. With that very Kenma answer, Kuroo was convinced that wasn’t the problem.

Kuroo knew Kenma masturbated. He’d seen it in video and in person. He knew Kenma could orgasm. He knew Kenma got horny. He knew Kenma liked him and felt comfortable with him.

But, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why Kenma didn’t like sex with him. Or rather, receiving pleasure from Kuroo.

Kenma liked to give, but not receive. He’d gladly have sex with Kuroo to make him happy. It only succeeded in making Kuroo feel guilty. He didn’t want his boyfriend to feel like he needed to satisfy him, no matter the reason. That’s not how relationships work. That’s not how you treat people you care about.

“Bro. I don’t get it. He says he doesn’t care if I make him come or not. That he’s happy just to make me feel good. I feel like I’m just pressuring him into things.”

“Huhh. Have you considered maybe you’re just bad in bed?’

Kuroo punches Bokuto’s arm. “Want me to sleep with Akaashi and find out?”

Bokuto squawks. “You’d sleep with Akaashi before you’d sleep with me? The betrayal!”

“One: he’s gorgeous. You all of people know that. For some miraculous reason, you’re dating him, and I’m not fully convinced he even realizes it. He might wake up one the spell you placed on him one day. Two: back to the point here. What should I do?”

“Uh. I dunno.” Bokuto shrugs. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“Eh.” Kuroo grimaces. “I’ve asked a few questions, but I’ve never spilled my heart out to him.”

“Wait.” Bokuto holds his hand up and squints. “You’re not having vaginal sex with your trans boyfriend, are you? Cause I’d totally see how he’d hate that.”

“No! That is strictly off limits. We do oral and anal though.”

“Pfft. Anal.”

Kuroo punches Bokuto again. “Grow up. You fuck Akaashi all the time.”

“Yeah.” Bokuto dreamily sighs. “I still can’t believe it.”

Kuroo groans and falls back on the bed.

“Bro. talk to him about it. You’ve been friends since you could baby ESPN from womb to womb.”

“It’s ESP and it’s not real.”

“Do you remember being in the womb?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know for sure?” Bokuto raises an eyebrow and waggles his fingers from both hands at Kuroo making spooky ghost noises.

“Ugh. But this conversation is going to suck!” Kuroo bites a pillow.

“Wanna role play?”

“He’s not going to agree to that.”

Bokuto smacks Kuroo’s leg. “The discussion with me.” He shakes his head and then mutters, “I can’t believe people think you’re the smart one”.

“You just confused ESPN with ESP.” Kuroo flatly retorts.

“Dude. You want help or not?”

“Yes. Fine.” Kuroo sits back up hugging his pillow. “Okay. Here goes.“ He takes a deep breath. “Am I not satisfying you in bed?”

“Bzzt. Try again.” Bokuto twirls his index finger in the air.

“Fuck off.” Kuroo rests his chin on the pillow and pouts. “Okay. I feel like you’re forcing yourself to do sexual things with me?”

“Why is it a question?”

“Cause I don’t want it to be true?”

“That’s a question too.” Bokuto purses and shakes his head. “It probably is cause you suck in bed.”

Kuro smacks Bokuto in the face with the pillow he’d been hugging.

“You little-“ Bokuto pounces on Kuroo and starts walloping on him with another pillow.

In the midst of them playing, Kenma slips quietly in the room playing a game. He sits at Kuroo’s desk chair with his feet up and watches the two idiots just over the screen.

“Kenma!” Bokuto cheers, pillow paused midair after realizing he was there. “Great timing! Kuroo had something he wanted to talk to you about and I’m just heading out.” He gets up quickly, but not before punching Kuroo in the leg one more time and ruffling Kenma’s hair. “See you later, Kenma’

“Bye Koutarou.”

The door clicks and Kuroo’s heart starts pounding. Was he wanting to have this conversation? No. Was he ready to have this conversation? Also no. But, apparently, thanks to that asshole Bokuto, it was happening.

Kenma peers over the edge of his game. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Oh. Nothing much.”

Kenma raises an eyebrow and turns his game off.

“You’re a terrible liar. It’s really something you should work on.”

“It’s just part of my natural innocent charm.” Kuro smirks.

Kenma flatly stares back, looking into the depths of Kuroo’s soul.

“So anyway.“ Kuroo sits up and clutches the pillow for support. “I, uh, have something on my mind?”

“Do you?”

“Yes?”

“Okay. What’s possibly on your mind?”

“Uh. Well, you see-.” Kuroo rubs the back of his head and averts his eyes.

“Spit it out. I’ve known you your whole life. There’s nothing you could say that’s more cringy than your early teenage phase.”

Kuroo points dramatically to Kenma with a stern serious face. “I was a fashion icon.”

“Pfft.” Kenma snorts. “Maybe in the eighties.”

“First Bo, now you.” Kuroo puts and rests his chin back on the pillow.”

“What is it? You’re cutting into valuable game time.”

“Love games more than you love me.” Kuroo mumbles into the pillow

After he said it, he regretted it instantly. He didn’t mean it. He just felt bullied and vulnerable.

Kenma sighs and shakes his head. “I turned the game off, so I could give your overdramatic ass my undivided attention because clearly you’re freaking out.”

“Yeah. I kinda do that with anything that involves you.”

“So it’s about me?”

Kuroo clicks his tongue.

“What about me?” Kenma starts automatically drawing the alphabet on his hand to help calm himself.

Kuroo watches Kenma’s finger move across his palm and has never felt more like a dick. He scoots forward so he can reach out. He places one hand under Kenma’s palm so that he’s holding the bottom of his hand, but still allowing him to trace letters. Kenma starts to pull away to hold Kuroo’s hand, but Kuroo stops him.

“If you feel better by doing that, keep doing it. I just want to hold your hand, so you know I’m here supporting you.”

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Kenma’s voice is low like a squeak.

Okay. Now Kuroo’s never felt like a bigger asshole.

“Nothing’s wrong per say. Just something’s been bothering me.”

Kenma bites his lip and looks away.

“Don’t be scared. I’m not mad and you haven’t done anything wrong.” Kuroo brushes some of Kenma’s hair out of his face with his free hand. “I. I guess I just have some questions is all?”

“What?”

“Uh.” Kuroo lets out a nervous chuckle. “They’re kind of personal.”

Kenma gives Kuroo a flat look.

“Fine, fine. Do. Do you not like having sex with me?” It all comes out in one breath.

Kenma pauses drawing the alphabet on his hand and raises one eyebrow, still not looking at Kuroo. He makes a small squeak before furiously continuing drawing on his hand.

“It’s okay if you don’t!” Kuroo quickly adds. “I don’t want to force you into anything or get you to do something you don’t want to do. I just-“ Kuroo bites his lip. “You don’t seem like you enjoy it, no matter what we do or how we do it.”

Kenma still won’t look Kuroo in the eyes.

“At first I thought you were shy. Then I thought maybe it’s because you hadn’t transitioned yet. But now the only conclusion I can come to is that I’m bad in bed. Which is okay, I guess.” Kuroo grimaces and furrow his eyebrows.

“You’re not bad in bed.”

“Hey.” Kuroo softly whispers. “We’re doing honesty hour right now. You can tell me I’m shit in the sack or that I make ugly sex faces or something. I love you and I just want to know so I can make it better.”

“I’m not sugarcoating things for you. You know I don’t do that.” Kenma sighs still drawing the alphabet. “You’re good. And I feel comfortable with you. The trans thing bothers me a bit, but since it’s not, you know, the other things don’t bother me.”

“Then.” Kuroo pauses unsure if he wants to really ask. “What is it?”

“I’m not really sure?” Kenma tilts his head and grabs Kuroo’s hand with one hand and clenches his other fist. “I. I get horny. But, I don’t necessarily want sex? I like touching you non-sexually. I don’t have a problem with that. I like pleasuring you and you’re not forcing me into that. I just don’t like you doing things like that to me.” Kenma wrinkles his nose. “It just doesn’t do anything for me.”

Kuroo’s mouth drops open worried he’s been subjecting the love of his life to horrible sex.

“I told you, you’re not bad so close your mouth.” Kenma pinches Kuroo’s arm with his free hand.

“Okay, okay. But I don’t really get it?”

“I don’t really either?” Kenma frowns. “I feel like I’m broken. Everyone I know loves sex. Even Keiji and Shoyu. I can’t picture it at all for them. Keiji is so proper and Shoyu is Shoyu.” He crinkles his nose, probably imagining either of them in sexual situations.

“Hey.” Kuroo softly whispers. He cups Kenma’s face with both hands, forcing him to look Kuroo in the eyes. “You’re not broken. You’re not. I love you just the way you are. I’m only bringing it up because I want you to be comfortable and happy. I don’t want to subject you to something that you hate. We could never have sex again and I’d be content just being with you.”

“But you love sex!” Kenma bursts out in a choked sob.

“Yeah. I do. But I love you more.”

Kenma pouts and looks away. “Cheesy.”

“You know it.” Kuroo grins and rubs his nose against Kenma’s.

“It’s not like I’m against the idea of sex. Or orgasms. I like those a lot. It’s just the real thing doesn’t do anything for me.” Kenma gives a light shudder. “I’ve tired imagining it with without other people, but the result is always the same.”

“You’ve been imaging having sex with other people? Who?” Kuroo chides, eagerly leaning forward.

“Kuro.”

“Sorry, sorry. Just curious.”

There’s a mostly comfortable silence for a bit while the two digest the information.

“Do you hate me?”

“I could never.” Kuroo leans in and gives Kenma a kiss on the cheek

“Do you want to break up?”

“What! No! of course not!” Kuroo yells.

Kenma flinches at the sudden outburst and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Sorry.” Kuroo whispers. “But no. Never. I love you. Sex or no sex.”

“Sorry.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.” Kuroo grabs Kenma’s hands again. “But, I think we should discuss some boundaries while we’re at it. Just say keep or leave. What about kissing and cuddling?”

“Keep.”

“Being naked together?”

“Keep.”

“Caresses?”

“Keep.”

“Biting?”

“Keep.”

“Okay. On you only now. Nipples?”

“Leave.”

“Your tiny dick?”

“Leave.”

“Butt?”

“Keep butt caresses and occassional sex.”

“Yusss! Okay on me-“

“Keep.”

“But-“

“Keep.”

“Why?”

“I told you, I don’t mind making you feel good. It’s fun to watch. I just don’t like being touched like that.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry.”

“No. Don’t be. I’m sorry I’ve been making you feel uncomfortable.”

Kenma frowns and averts his gaze again.

“Would you feel better if we could figure out what you are?”

“‘m broken.”

“No, no you’re not. I bet handy dandy google could help us out.”

“Google doesn’t know everything, Kuro.”

“Bet.” Kuroo fishes his phone from his pocket. “Okay. Let’s try doesn’t want sex.”

Kenma wrinkles his nose again. “Kuro. You’re not going to figure it out that way.”

Kuroo frowns as he scrolls down the first link. Performance anxiety, low testosterone, affairs. None of it fit Kenma.

“What about doesn’t feel need for sex?”

Results of emotional distance, bad performance, stress, and low libido.

“Kenma, you don’t feel emotionally distant from me, do you?” Kuroo worries his lip.

Kenma pulls his game back out. “Only intellectually distant.”

“Okay, jerk.” Kuroo scrolls though a couple more websites that popped up. “Oh! I wonder if this one has anything.” He starts scanning the page until a word sticks out to him. “Huh. Asexual.”

“Isn’t that a plant thing? I’m not outdoorsy.”

“Clearly not. Plants reproduce by asexual reproduction, yes. I’m glad you sometimes pay attention in class. But the a in front of asexual means not, so not sexual. That could be you.” He types it in the search engine, adding human to it and several results pop up. “Come here. Let’s look at them together. You know yourself better than me.”

Kenma gives a deep sigh before standing up and getting on the bed with Kuroo. He tucks himself in-between Kuroo’s legs and steals the phone from him. Kuroo rests his head on Kenma’s shoulder to read along with him.

Kenma spends at least an hour reading different things on different websites and altering the search so it fit more accurately. Eventually, his final search went back and forth between asexual and placiosexual.

“Placiosexual: wanting to do sexual things with someone else but being okay if they’re not reciprocated.” Kenma dryly reads off the phone. “So, I’d say I’m sex positive, meaning I’m okay with sex, but asexual since I don’t want to have sex. But also placiosexual because I want to do things for you.” He bites his thumbnail and groans. “Why is this so hard? Which class am I?”

Kuroo pulls Kenma’s hand from his mouth. “You don’t have to pick just one. You can just say you’re ace. Umbrella terms for the win.”

Kenma wrinkles his nose. “So, I am broken. This is a lifetime thing.”

“No. Not broken. Perfect. My perfect ace boyfriend.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kenma: “What class am I?”  
> Dragon, obviously.
> 
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